Pebbles, Values, & Boundaries
When you toss a small pebble into a still pond, it will cause a little splash with a minimal ripple effect. Soon after the water returns to the calm still, state that it was before. Water responds appropriately to the mass and force of the object.
Water never over or under reacts.
The water represents our internal values and healthy boundaries.
No matter what pebbles life throws at us, our values and boundaries help us to respond appropriately.
Our internal values and boundaries are what guide our life.
When we are true to who we are at our core, we will consistently respond according to our values and healthy boundaries.
We only overreact when our internal values or boundaries are violated.
To identify your internal values and healthy boundaries, you can ask yourself the following questions:
1. What situations or people cause me to over-react?
2. Where do I feel there is an injustice happening?
3. What do I think should be happing in this situation?
4. What do I think this person should be doing?
5. What values do I believe they're breaking?
These questions help us to define the values that guide our life.
The next step is to set boundaries according to our internal values:
Example: If I consistently overreact with anger towards someone about their behavior, I am the one with the problem, and am allowing this person to control me because I have not set up healthy boundaries in my relationships.
Healthy boundaries define what kind of behavior we will tolerate. When we set clear, boundaries explaining what is acceptable behavior, we stay true to our internal values and established boundaries.
Living with clear values and healthy boundaries allow us to stay focused on what is essential in our relationships.